Difficult Times

            The recent developments with my cancer have been very difficult.  As I mentioned in my prior blog, my clinical trial was not successful.  Since then, we have been reviewing one other chemotherapy treatment with my oncologist.  With the low likelihood of success and the challenging side effects of this treatment, we have decided not to pursue it.  I am now working with a palliative care/hospice service to assist me with my pain medications and other needs.  I began that service last week and I believe they will be helpful with my future care. 

            My pain continues to be a challenge.  In addition to the severe abdominal pains that have been occurring for some time, I am experiencing a lot of swelling in my abdomen and legs.  I have gained nearly 20 pounds of fluid.  Thus, my clothes don’t fit me anymore.  The swelling prevents me from taking walks and running, which is very discouraging as these activities were so important to me. I also find it difficult to go places and to do things that I used to like to do.  My nausea is also continuing.

            These developments have caused me to be even more grateful for my wonderful family and friends.  My two daughters, Stephanie and Stacey, came to visit me this past weekend.   Steve and I had planned to go to Ohio to see Stephanie’s family’s new house, but as I was not feeling well enough Stephanie came to our house.  Stacey just surprised me when she came from Houston.  It was a wonderful treat to have both of them here.  We were so busy laughing and crying that we did not take a picture of us.  Thus, I am including a picture of us together last Christmas. 

            A song that gives me strength not to falter in my race of life is “He Hears Me,” which is sung by Hillary Weeks.  The words are as follows:

“Here I am again down on my knees and with every pleading word,

Thy comfort I seek though the words are slow to come,

My thoughts are racing by,

Peace feels the room,

Thy spirit is nigh;

He hears me when I am crying in the night,

He hears me when my soul longs to fight till the morning will come and the light of the dawn reassures,

He hears me.

Any hour, wherever I may be,

In the silence of an empty room,

Or on a crowded street.

Whether offering thanks or urgency I pray,

I never go unnoticed; I am never led astray;

He hears me when I am crying in the night,

He hears me when my soul longs to fight till the morning will come and the light of the dawn reassures.

He hears me.

Any whisper of the soul no matter how old, Father hears the call.

He hears me when I am crying in the night.

He hears me when my soul longs to fight;

Till the morning will come and the light of the dawn reassures.

He hears me.”

I know Heavenly Father hears my prayers.  I have felt His spirit with me as I am running this difficult race of life.  I could not run this race of life without Him.  I also really appreciate the many prayers that family, friends and others have offered for me.