Difficult Times

            The recent developments with my cancer have been very difficult.  As I mentioned in my prior blog, my clinical trial was not successful.  Since then, we have been reviewing one other chemotherapy treatment with my oncologist.  With the low likelihood of success and the challenging side effects of this treatment, we have decided not to pursue it.  I am now working with a palliative care/hospice service to assist me with my pain medications and other needs.  I began that service last week and I believe they will be helpful with my future care. 

            My pain continues to be a challenge.  In addition to the severe abdominal pains that have been occurring for some time, I am experiencing a lot of swelling in my abdomen and legs.  I have gained nearly 20 pounds of fluid.  Thus, my clothes don’t fit me anymore.  The swelling prevents me from taking walks and running, which is very discouraging as these activities were so important to me. I also find it difficult to go places and to do things that I used to like to do.  My nausea is also continuing.

            These developments have caused me to be even more grateful for my wonderful family and friends.  My two daughters, Stephanie and Stacey, came to visit me this past weekend.   Steve and I had planned to go to Ohio to see Stephanie’s family’s new house, but as I was not feeling well enough Stephanie came to our house.  Stacey just surprised me when she came from Houston.  It was a wonderful treat to have both of them here.  We were so busy laughing and crying that we did not take a picture of us.  Thus, I am including a picture of us together last Christmas. 

            A song that gives me strength not to falter in my race of life is “He Hears Me,” which is sung by Hillary Weeks.  The words are as follows:

“Here I am again down on my knees and with every pleading word,

Thy comfort I seek though the words are slow to come,

My thoughts are racing by,

Peace feels the room,

Thy spirit is nigh;

He hears me when I am crying in the night,

He hears me when my soul longs to fight till the morning will come and the light of the dawn reassures,

He hears me.

Any hour, wherever I may be,

In the silence of an empty room,

Or on a crowded street.

Whether offering thanks or urgency I pray,

I never go unnoticed; I am never led astray;

He hears me when I am crying in the night,

He hears me when my soul longs to fight till the morning will come and the light of the dawn reassures.

He hears me.

Any whisper of the soul no matter how old, Father hears the call.

He hears me when I am crying in the night.

He hears me when my soul longs to fight;

Till the morning will come and the light of the dawn reassures.

He hears me.”

I know Heavenly Father hears my prayers.  I have felt His spirit with me as I am running this difficult race of life.  I could not run this race of life without Him.  I also really appreciate the many prayers that family, friends and others have offered for me.

Unsuccessful Clinical Trial

April 11, 2016

            On Monday, April 11, Steve and I reviewed with the oncologist at Georgetown Hospital my first CT scan taken after beginning my clinical trial for the immunotherapy treatment.  Unfortunately, the scan results were very disappointing.  My cancer continues to grow and to spread to new areas in my body.  With this disappointing scan result, I am not able to continue in this clinical trial.  I am sad and disappointed with this outcome.  I had high hopes that the clinical trial would work, even though I recognized from the beginning that it might not be successful.  When I began the clinical trial, the doctor had advised that the trial was working for about 60% of his patients.  I had hoped that I would be in that successful group rather than the 40% for which it was not working.

            The oncologist said that he had discussed the results with my original oncologist at Virginia Cancer Specialists.  He recommended that I consider one more chemotherapy treatment that I have not tried yet.  I am scheduled to meet with my original oncologist on Wednesday, April 13, to discuss beginning this chemotherapy treatment.

            Although the CT scan results were disappointing, I was not totally surprised by these results.  I have felt very sick lately.   During these past few weeks, my pain and nausea have gotten worse.  I have edema (swelling) around my abdomen and in my right leg.  This has been very painful as it has caused me to have backaches and has affected my breathing.  As a result of these problems, I have not been able to walk much.  I also still experience severe headaches.  We try to balance the pain medication so I don’t take too much as my body cannot handle a lot of medication (have to be careful to avoid overdose).   Also, the pain medicine has not been as effective lately.  I don’t like the effects of the pain medicine as it makes me very tired.  I am following up with my palliative doctor to see what other pain medication options exist.

            Fortunately, I have felt a lot of support from my family, immediate and extended, and my friends.   For spring break, I was visited by Stephanie, Lee, their family, Justin and Stacey (Thanks Brock for sharing Stacey).  I was able to do at least one activity with them each day.  I also liked spending time visiting with each of them.  I really appreciate that all my children call me on a regular basis even though they live far away.  I was so touched when my children created a running activity each month to support me in my battle with cancer.  Running has always been important to me, even though I have not been able to run much lately.  I love to hear the report of Troy’s and Katie’s monthly races.  All of these activities inspire me.

  

I have always been inspired by music.  As I struggle with my cancer, I am reminded of the following words from the song “He Hears Me” sung by Hillary Weeks: 

“He hears me when I am crying in the night,

He hears me when my soul longs to fight,

Til the morning will come and the light of the dawn reassures, he hears me.”

I also recently read the following quote: “From the bed of pain, from the pillow wet with tears, we are lifted heavenward by that divine assurance and precious promise ‘I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.’ (Joshua 1:5)” 

            This song and quote express well my feelings that Heavenly Father hears my prayers and gives me comfort and peace as I face my cancer challenge.  Thanks to everyone for all of your love, prayers and support.  It means a lot to me.